Monday, October 15, 2012

MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Monday, October 8, 2012

What the World Will Miss

I have often wondered what kind of man Mason would have grown to be.  Even before he passed, I wondered about it.

My father is a great man.  He's not rich.  He's not in the best of health.  To anybody else, he's just another man walking down the street.  But to me, he is great.  I love him more than I could ever tell him or show him.

He (and my mother, of course) raised me up right.  Tried to instill good values in me and to always do what was right, even though it was usually harder.  I didn't always do what I should have, but feel like I did alright.

I tried to instill those same values in Mason.  I told him from very early on that he had been dealt a bad hand.  He was going to have to work harder than the others just to keep up.  That's just the way things are.  He was a typical little boy I guess, in the sense that he had that typical little boy attitude.  He already knew everything, just as I probably did back in the day, too.

Obviously, since Mason has passed on, we will never know what he would grow up to be.  But, after reading an entry from his funeral page, I feel like I was on the right track.  It reads as follows:

"My son and Mason were classmates this year. We just learned of the heartbreaking news. I had to pull my son out this week for homeschooling due to harassment from other children. Only Mason was different he says. When no other boy would sit with him at lunch or talk to him Mason was always there. Thank you Mason for being a wonderful friend to my son! God bless your family"

Every time I read that, I get a tear down my eye and a smile on my face.  That's the boy I wanted him to be.  That's my little man.

I feel like the world will miss out on something very special.  I know I will.

6 Months Out

Yesterday, we have been 6 months without Mason.  My God, I don't know how we have gotten this far. 

It seems like it was yesterday I was dropping him off at Nana's house.

It seems like a thousand years since I've seen his goofy smile.

Another shitty memory for this very weekend.  Yesterday was the preliminary due date for our 3rd child.  I should be home or at the hospital right now holding a brand new baby.  Today is not a school day, so Mason should be right there with me.  Should be 5 of us.  Now it is only 3.

I'm just completely lost.  It amazes me that people can just continue on with their lives.  Other than just surviving day to day and taking care of my wife and daughter, I don't know how to pick up and move on.

I have barely survived the past 6 months.  How the hell am I supposed to survive the next 30, 40 or 50 years?