The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

Anthony Griffith in a not so funny performance:

I wish I could express myself like this.  I can't hardly write about it much less talk about it, especially in front of people......

Prayer

Does Prayer Work?

I am not questioning whether or not God exists, but whether or not prayer works?  I know with all my heart that God exists.  I believe that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.  I believe that He died on the cross for my sins.

But, it is also my belief that our lives are pre-determined.  Maybe not every detail of our lives, but the Lord knows what we are going to do lifetimes ahead of when we do it.  So everything is already laid out for us and the decisions we make have essentially already been made.

When we pray, we are usually asking God for something.  We ask for new jobs, more money, winning the lottery, better health and just to continue to look over us in our day to day lives.  When we pray, God listens to our prayers.  Obviously, He decides what to answer and what not to.  Would He modify our 'life path' due to our prayers?

On the other hand, He already knows what we will pray for.  He already knows which prayers will be answered and which will not.  It has all been laid out.

So I ask again.  Does Prayer Work?

Ending it all

Suicide.

Can you think of any reason you would do it?

Can anything in this world be so bad that you would take your own life?

I believe the answer to that is yes.

For the first time, I can understand how people can get to such a low place that they can do the unthinkable.

I am fortunate in the fact that I have a very supportive family.  I know that I can go to them with anything and they will support me or just listen to me.

I am also fortunate that I have my loving wife and daughter.  It's strange that a toddler can keep an entire family together.  I have held it together (for the most part) because of her.

Mason absolutely adored her.  I wish he could be here to see her now.  He would be amazed at how much she has grown.

I know, without a doubt, that I am better off right now because of her.  If it hadn't been for the responsibility of taking care of her needs, I'd be completely lost.  Maybe in the bottom of a bottle.  Maybe sleeping on a cardboard mat under an overpass.  Maybe dead.

Now, I don't want everyone who reads this (both of you) to over react and try some kind of intervention.  I'm not suicidal.  This post was about understanding.  I can understand how people would be driven to do things that are unimaginable to others.

I Love You Mason.  I Miss You.

Hurt

"Full of broken thoughts, I cannot repair"

Each day seems to get harder and harder. I miss my boy and nothing will ever bring him back.

Mason was my shadow for 11 years.  I try not to compare losses.  I am curious though as to the differences in them (if there are any).

Like a miscarriage.  Brandi was pregnant earlier this year.  We lost the baby just before Mason passed.  Was that the same?  To me it wasn't.  And yet it was.  I was very upset over losing the pregnancy.  It paled in comparison to losing Mason.

Fortunately, I haven't lost any other children.  I hope I never have to.  Don't know if I could survive that (more on this later).

My uncle passed away last year.  His mother, my grandmother, is still alive and kicking.  Going strong for the most part.  I have wanted to talk with her about it, but I really don't know what to say.  Like me, she has lost a child.  Granted, her 'child' was 67 years old.  But it was still her child.

Is there any difference?  Miscarriage?  Stillbirth?  Infant?  Toddler?  Child?  Teenager?  Young Adult?  Adult?  Senior?  I don't know.  While I am curious, I really don't want to know.  If I have learned anything about this whole ordeal, it is this.  You don't "KNOW" until it has happened to you.  I don't want to experience that again.  I can't experience it again.

I Love You, Son.  I Miss You So Very Much.