Yesterday, we have been 6 months without Mason. My God, I don't know how we have gotten this far.
It seems like it was yesterday I was dropping him off at Nana's house.
It seems like a thousand years since I've seen his goofy smile.
Another shitty memory for this very weekend. Yesterday was the preliminary due date for our 3rd child. I should be home or at the hospital right now holding a brand new baby. Today is not a school day, so Mason should be right there with me. Should be 5 of us. Now it is only 3.
I'm just completely lost. It amazes me that people can just continue on with their lives. Other than just surviving day to day and taking care of my wife and daughter, I don't know how to pick up and move on.
I have barely survived the past 6 months. How the hell am I supposed to survive the next 30, 40 or 50 years?
This blog is dedicated to my best friend, my son. Mason was born with HLHS and after 3 open heart surgeries, was given a heart transplant in 2002. All was well until April 7, 2012.....
Your blog name, the eyes of the little boy on your home page, the ticking clock, the intense content, the blackness of it all... Kevin you are capturing exactly what is inside the heart of a parent who loses a child. 13 years ago I was a snotty mess who sat unwashed, wore a stained housecoat and wrote in a dark bedroom. Every breath hurt. This isn't a flu and you are not going to "get better", but you will get better at living this life of yours without your child in it. Your writing will lift others up with its honesty.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment. I know it's not something I will ever get "over", it is just something I have to get "through". It just hurts so damn bad.
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